allusion to a song

new lj

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 22:10:40 GMT

Well, I've had this livejournal for a year and a half, and I've finally decided to get a new one.

oh_amandaleigh

Soooo check it out. Add me if you want. K bye.

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 16:40:46 GMT

THE JUMP CONCERT IS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited!!! I love them :-)

In other news, I've decided to NOT purchase a $600 parking permit for next year. Because that will just put SO much stress on me this summer to work work work, and I will be so upset if I can't get the kind of hours I want at the Teet, and it's just... I don't need one THAT badly. Some of my friends and my roomie will have a car, so I should be okay without.

Which means I'm not going to buy one this summer, because I don't want to spend the money on a car I can barely drive. But I think I'm still going to try to save like 75% of my money, so maybe NEXT summer I can get one. Or something.

Ooookay. My job is boring. That's about it! :-)

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 16:11:33 GMT

PS - What the fuck is wrong with student health?? Oh okay, I have a good idea... how about we open a health clinic to tens of thousands of students, and then ONLY be open for 8 hours a day, and ONLY on weekdays, and if someone decides to get sick outside of that window, they have to pay a lot extra or suffer in misery!!

It's always AWESOME when you call in to say you have strep and they tell you to wait until tomorrow. Super. So I can miss even more class and work. Except I can't miss my lab, and I can't miss English, so I'll have to wander around campus feeling like a miserable piece of shit. Yay!! I can HARDLY WAIT!

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 00:52:07 GMT

It's strep. I feel like death. I am so hungry, but everytime I stand up, I feel like vomiting... so getting food is out of the question. I'm so bored and shit and blah that I just keep crying for no reason. This is stupid. I can't believe how often I've been getting sick, I've been missing so much work and class. I'm fucked. I better go cry some more.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 18:42:28 GMT

I really want to know what sickness Christina had, because whatever it is, I have it too. Poop. My throat hurt all day yesterday, and today it's KILLING me. I slept in until 2:30!! I never do that! I am sick. It feels like strep. I wish she was there to tell me what she has so I would know what I have, haha.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 04:45:04 GMT

Wow, so now I feel really shallow, haha

Your dating personality profile:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.
Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.

Your date match profile:

Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship.
Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Stylish
2. Outgoing
3. Conservative
4. Adventurous
5. Religious
6. Romantic
7. Traditional
8. Wealthy/Ambitious
9. Big-Hearted
10. Practical

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Conservative
2. Outgoing
3. Stylish
4. Traditional
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Romantic
7. Adventurous
8. Intellectual
9. Practical
10. Funny

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 06:26:57 GMT

ohhhh Andrea's entry just reminded me of this.

So I was wearing a rather cleavage-bearing top last night, and I asked Andrea to let me know if my boobs started falling out at any point during the night, once I got more alcohol into my system.

So then we're standing in line to pay at Lospos, and I guess drunken Andrea thought she came up with this hawt secret code for "Hey Amanda, you might want to tuck those breasts back into your shirt."

Andrea: Hey Amanda, the girls have come up to play.
Amanda (LOUDLY so that EVERYONE around us can hear): What?? Did you start your period or something? (AHHAHAHHAHAHA)
Andrea: NO! Look down!
Amanda: Huh? What? Ohhhhhh

haha. Classic. Oh Lospos...

Well now I have to go because Jonathan is going to be here soon !

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 03:08:10 GMT

Highlights of last night:

-We dressed like it was way warmer than it was. Walked to Lospos. It took us an hour to get seated. Andrea was scared to buy drinks at the bar so she made me do it.

-We ate three fucking baskets of chips and the lady looked at us like we were absolutely insane. We also tore through a pitcher of daquiris, and ran up a huge tab at the bar.

-We tried to teach Andrea how to deep throat with the straw. It didn't work very well.

-Chris rubbed Andrea's legs and hit on me.

-No one would drink the nasty Long Island Iced Tea.

And we took lots of dumb pictures and it was really fun. And someone ate the nasty old on display food! It was so sick!

Then I was tipsy and we came back to the dorm room, annd Jenna and her friends were here, so we decided to go clubbing with them. I took 6 shots in quick succession and threw up kind of on purpose, fun times. Thenn Jenna was wasted and I forgot my ID and Andrea kind of ditched me to go to the club. And I spent the rest of the night babysitting wasted girls.

Anyways. That was about it. What a bust, haha.

Oh yeahhhh... Thursday night I went to some bar and had a couple beers and learned pool, then we went to P-bob's and since I don't have a fake,I had to climb the fence in my skirt to get in. It was so sketch. We also stole a pitcher of beer. After that, we watched some 80s movie and passed out. Good times.

No more drinking. Ewww.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 08:00:26 GMT

I hate nights where everything starts out great. You're happy, everyone around you is happy, everything is going great... and then a chain of events just seems to go off. And everything seems wrong and sad.

It's amazing how there's often so much more to people than you think, I discovered that today. Some people just have so much more to their personalities. Facets that you never knew existed. Humans as a species are amazing. People are so wonderful, enlightening, it seriously gives me hope that everyone is so complex and amazing.

It hurts that some people sometimes just don't care. Apathy hurts, coldness hurts. I feel like I've been hurt by so many people. I haven't always been the amazing or ideal person. But now I feel as if I've been too trusting. Stop rippping my heart out of my fucking chest. I love my friends. But sometimes it just hurts to have them.

Don't get me wrong, life is good. But tonight was horribly awry.

Alright sorry for being depressing. I love all of you guys. Goodnight

Sorry for being SO drunk.

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 15:08:12 GMT

I feel like something needs to change... but I'm not quite sure what that is. To make this wonderful, and not just simply... existance.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 20:40:27 GMT

I stepped into Student Stores today to buy a diet coke. Alum, students, and crazy random fans alike were running amok, buying UNC CHAMPION t-shirts. Wow, they must be making so much money out of this. It's absolute craziness. To the max. I want one of the ones that says "I was on Franklin St." etc. etc. on the back. Will keep an eye open.

On another note... even Jonathan was like ganging up against me about this stupid stupid CAPS thing. I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm happy!!!! Yay!!!!! I mean, I know my friends care, but I think I know myself better than they know me. I have been through depression just this bad before, and I overcame. And was fine. I got over depression and several harmful accompanying habits before... all by myself!!! With only the support of maybe one or two really close friends. AND without talking to any therpists or psychologists or taking any meds. I know myself. And okay, maybe you'll say okay Amanda, but you got depressed again. Hey, shit happens. The fact of the matter is, right now I am happy. And I feel like I will be that way for awhile. (And I've had enough temporary ups that ended in crashing back down to be able to tell with myself.) So can you blame me for not wanting to dig around in the mud and bring up everything that made me sad before?

I am happy. I am fine. I am great. I'm not hurting myself or anyone. I am working hard. I am playing hard. I am having fun. I am making the most of my life. What else do ya'll want from me? Why are you ganging up on me over this? Why can't I live my life, why don't you guys trust that I know what is best for me personally? I haven't hurt myself or anyone else, and now I'm good. The end. I'm fine. The end. If anything comes up again, I promise you guys that I will go. If you see me slipping again, I promise I will go. But that's not just having one bad day, that's having lots of them.

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD has moments in time when they're upset, down, things seem hopeless. EVERYONE has times like this. Sooo... should everyone in the world be therapized and medicated? I don't think so. I think it's normal, I'm normal, I'm happy, and I am fending for myself.

But I will add that it means SO much to me that you guys all care so much. And I KNOW that's why you all have been down my throat about it, concern. I just wanted to voice the fact that it's really bothering me that some people won't drop it, or accept that I'm fine. But I do love you guys, and I could never make it through without knowing that I have friends who care behind me every step of the way. You guys are the world to me!

And one more note... the pro-life display out in the quad today...

Anyone who knows me pretty well, or cares enough about this particular subject to ask for my stance on it, is aware of the fact that I'm pro-life. But I thought that the display was rather tactless and uncalled for. I agree that abortion is genocide. And I know they're trying to bring awareness. But why should people like me have to see pictures like that just walking to class? I'm completely not in denial, I think that abortion is a huge problem, and that it's a bad thing, but I still don't want to be forced to view those pictures.

And do you really think that those will change a pro-choicer's mind? Because I sure as hell don't. All it's going to do is piss them off. And they were retaliating right by the display, not falling to their knees by it and asking God to forgive them for ever being pro-choice. Everyone knows it will just piss them off, that's why there were so many cops around.

I also think it's cold and unfeeling to have those up because I'm sure there are plenty of young women here who have already had an abortion, and already feel awful about it. Maybe they didn't think it was the best decision, maybe they did at least partially morally oppose it, maybe they regret it so much and would take it back if they could. I have never personally been in the position where I have had to make a choice like that, and I can see how desperation could take over, and people make mistakes. I think it's cruel to shove that into their face.

Lacking in tact. Won't accomplish much of anything. Be informative. Hand out pamphlets. Huge photos on the quad that are impossible to miss? Not so much.

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 22:25:32 GMT

This week has been amazing. It's been absolutely my best week at Carolina like... ever. And that is wonderful. And crazy. But great. I feel like maybe I'm finally settling in here.

Let's see here... I was in Charlotte for Easter weekend last weekend, and I came back up on Monday evening. I kind of crashed and that was that.

Tuesday-Thursday were pretty uneventful... I just hung out... I got really sick, so that sucked ass, but it wasn't a huge deal. I called out of work, laid in bed, watched tons of movies, and it was nice to be able to relax and all of that good stuff.

Friday my English class was cancelled, so I got to sleep in SO late, and then just bum around all day!
Then, Whitney had her formal, so her best guy friend Patrick dude and his roommate came up, and I got to hang out with Whit and Ashley Pendergrass while they were getting ready and stuff, and it was good times. After they left, I grabbed a shower, and got ready to go out. I hung out with my friend at his dorm for awhile, and then Johnathan (sophomore here Johnathan) came to pick me up with some friends... I pregamed in my dorm, so when I got to his birthday party in the AEPi annex, I was already pretty tipsy.

Anyway, I just talked to a bunch of people, took way too many jello shots, annnd danced a ton. All night. It was so fun. Finally, I snuck out, came back to my dorm on the P2P, and totally crashed.

Saturday was the final four game, sooo exciting! I finally made up with Chris on Saturday, which was nice. Because I was mad and I still don't agree with all that happened, but I did miss him. Then, he came over after I showered and got ready, and we pregamed a bit. Christina came over and joined us. Thennn, we went to Chris' suite to catch the end of the game, and CAROLINA WON! Oh my gosh, everyone came running outside, SCREAMING. It was insane!

Oh yeah, but right before the game ended, I went with Christina to Andrea's room, and Chris and Chris and Andrea and Christina and me were in there. And everyone except the Chris that I don't really know started crying on me and talking about how worried they were about me and blah blah blah. It's insanity. People really are just absolutely crazy. I felt bad. Apparently, they talked to Annie, and were trying to get Jonathan's screenname to talk to him about me, too. And months ago, they wanted to talk to me about going to CAPS. Sheesh, you'd think I was like mentally insane or something.

ANYWAY, then we wanted to go to Granville, but they had a guest list and wouldn't let us in (I was with Christina and Jacki and another girl), so we had to sneak up. We peed, they drank some beer but I was already hammered, and we took pictures. Then we RAN out to Franklin Street.... it was insane!! There were like huge fires and crazy shit, everyone was going CRAZY, people I didn't know were hugging me and we were going crazy! It was sooo fun. I can't even describe it, but just the feeling of every single person on campus literally RUNNING out to Franklin st., even from South campus, and that's like a 25 minute walk. And then EVERYONE out there, screaming and wasted and excited, fireworks and bonfires, everyone yelling and going CRAZY.... it was awesome!

Then, we went to frat court. Alcohol was free-flowing. Everyone was going crazy. It was insane. We were at PIKA and they ran out of cups, so I took an empty one-liter tonic bottle, grabbed the bottle of Aristocrat vodka, and literally just poured it into the bottle until it was like 1/4 of the way filled. Then I poured a bunch of ginger ale on top. And we walked around just drinking that all night, I was soooo sooo drunk, it was insane. We went to Linda's, this bar on Franklin, after that, cuz this guy Chris that was there knew people there or something. But I just drank water the whole time, because I was feeling drunk enough.

So that was that night. Haha I PASSED OUT.

Sunday, Jonathan came to see me, which is always really fun :-) And great. I woke up and I REEKED like alcohol and bonfires, haha, so I grabbed a shower, then Jon got here and waited for me to get ready. We walked around campus a bit because it was beautiful, I'm so excited that I can wear skirts again! Annnnd then, let's see, we went to the movies, grabbed dinner at Pepper's, hung out, etc. etc. And then I was sad when he had to leave :-( As always.

And then was yesterday. I went to English class... I had 2 papers due that I had to wake up on Monday morning to finish, good thing English isn't until 1. In class, I saw a guy that I had seen out on Franklin the night of the final four game, annd he was like, "WOW, hi Amanda, do you even remember seeing me?" It was funny. I make such a damn fool out of myself sometimes and just don't even care, haha.

Anyways, then I layed out in the quad outside my dorm, because it was sooo pretty and sunny, and plus people have complained that my bare legs in a skirt blind them with their whiteness. So it's a LITTLE better now. But yeah.

Thennnn let's see, I showered and got ready to go out, wore a skirt and of course a CAROLINA SHIRT. And Christina came over, and we pre-gamed over here... Andrew got me cheap vodka, because he's my idol. And then we headed over to Chris' suite to watch the game, oh my god, it was absolutely INSANE. We were going crazy, yelling and screaming, and NO ONE was sober. Finally, we won, and OH MY GOD WE WON!!!! Carolina rocks sooo muchhhhhh, we're the champions, woo!! So everyone ran outside to the balconies and we were all just SCREAMING, and then, once again, we ALL ran to frat court. It was insane.

So when we got to frat court, there was a HUGE bonfire. Oh yeah, interesting part of my night happened in frat court... ran into Dean Mason, who I haven't seen in ages and ages, and had a conversation with him and he apologized for everything that happened. IT was interesting. To say the least. But yeah! We watched the fire, went into PIKA again and of course saw Whitney and tons of people, I think we drank in there but I can't remembeR? Maybe we didn't. We ran into Ryan Misenar, it was random.

Anyway, after we spent some time there, we ended up going to Yeats, a bar, for most of the night. All of Chris' suite was there. I don't even know how we passed all the time. I started a long weird conversation with this guy Paul from my English class who went to East Meck, and was at Yeats. Thennn I went back to Granville with Christina finally. It was funfunfun. But yeah, I forgot my cell phone there, and someone called and some awkwardness ensued when someone wanted to hook up and I didnt want to and etc. but I won't get into it. I felt bad but I was like no, not happened.

And thennn... I passed OUT. Haha. I slept in until forever o clock today. All my friends are bitching at me because I missed my CAPS appointment, and I swear, it's like they're my freaking mommy or something. I don't understand why everyone is freaking out so much, but people really need to get off of my case about it somewhat, because it's driving me CRAZY.

After I finally woke up today, I laid out in the quad with Whitney, and Andrew came out to join us. And then I've just been kind of chilling. I have a paper that I have to write for tomorrow, but I'm just really not looking forward to it.

I guess that's it, sorry this is insanely long!!!!

Everyone running out to Franklin St, the picture is kind of blurry

Me and the girls outside of frat court!

Christina practicing her ballet moves in the Hojo elevator

A bunch of people in Yeats

Me and George sitting outside some frat. Everyone was excited as he looks.

Me and Whit, HOTTEST/drunkest roomies ever, haha

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 23:04:25 GMT

Current:
• outfit: post prom '03 tshirt, jeans, brown flip flops with pink bows
• hairstyle: straight I guess?
• jewelry: hairband on my arm
• underwear: blue lacy thong
• nail color: nail

do you:
• cut yourself: no
• lick yourself: uhhh no
• whine a lot: yes, well, sometimes. but probably yes
• yell a lot: nah, I usually don't need to
• hate a lot of people: not that I can think of...
• have too many friends: ?? why would you have too many? if they're your friends...
• want to die: no
• do drugs: no
• wear dark colors: sure, sometimes
• dye your hair: not regularly, but I have some highlights now that are growing out

have you ever:
• kissed someone: yes
• gotten drunk: yes
• worn rainbow: rainbows? like the sandals? no
• talked on the phone for over 3 hours: yes
• left the country: yes
• had a party with over 30 people: not hosted, but I've been to plenty
• taken nude pictures: no
• stolen something: yes
• caught something on fire: haha a potholder
• cheated on someone: unfortunately.
• wanted to cheat on someone: in that drunken stupid lonely moment, yes
• asked someone out: yes, but it was Jon, and we had already dated like two other times before haha. but I've asked guys on dates
• had a dream, then the next day it happens: no

last person:
• you touched: ummm..... I guess Alex when I hugged him yesterday
• you talked to: Eric
• you hugged: Alex
• you kissed: duhhhh wild guess
• you instant messaged: Eric
• who broke your heart: Bobby Huffman, HA. I guess Dean Mason KIND OF did, but not really to the extent that Bobby did. I honestly don't think my heart can be broken anymore, I'm immune to it.

are you:
• understanding: sometimes very much so, sometimes not at all
• open-minded: sometimes
• arrogant: I can be
• insecure: obviously, I think most people are
• interesting: umm depends on the topic
• hungry: right now? kind of
• smart: yes
• moody: sometimes
• childish: sometimes
• independent: not really
• hard working: nah, I'm lazy. I work hard at harris Teeter, that's about it
• healthy: not exactly
• emotionally stable: haha I think for the most part
• shy: yes
• difficult: when I need to be
• attractive: umm not especially
• bored easily: yeah
• thirsty: I'm drinking water right now
• obsessed: noo...
• angry: not right now
• sad: almost all the time
• happy: sometimes
• trusting: only with certain people
• ill: I have a bit of a cold
• talkative: not really, only around certain people, but then very much so
• ignored: feels like it lately
• reliable: not really
• self-disciplined: haha not too much
• sleepy: sometimes
• lonely: too often

info about yourself:
• what is your birth name? Amanda Leigh Griffin
• what is your birthday?: June 27, 1986
• age: 18
• how tall are you?: 5'7"
• shoe size?: 9
• brothers/sisters?: little brother, older half brother and half sister
• job?: Harris Teeter, Hanes Art Center, editing. Full-time student, woo.

favorites:
• what is your favorite band?: Tons
• color(s)?: pink and green
• soda?: diet coke
• music?: tons
• stores in the mall?: Victoria's Secret, AE, department stores, the entire food court ;-)
• ice cream?: Nestle Tollhouse by Edy's, omg that stuff is amazing. And Breyer's mint oreo
• roller coaster?: I've only ridden the Goldrusher because I was too scared to ride any real ones
• candy?: skittles probably
• cd?: tons
• cookies?: oatmeal raisin
• juice?: cran-raspberry
• holiday?: Christmas
• month?: June because I was BORN in it. And summmmmer

in the last 48 hours:
• cried?: yes
• missed someone?: yes
• yelled at someone?: I don't think so
• changed your underwear?: yes
• drove somewhere?: no :-(
• talked to someone on the phone?: yes
• been online?: yes
• smiled?: yes
• had sex?: no
• kissed someone?: no
• hugged someone?: yes
• last thing you ate?: Ummmm........ poptarts after class yesterday I think
• talked to an ugly person?: probably if they were in one of my classes or something. I'm friendly.

have you ever:
• been in love: yes
• kissed someone of the same sex: yes
• been in trouble with the police? Not really. Speeding ticket, I guess.
• hit someone?: just my brother
• broke something?: BROKEN something. I'm sure I have.
• betrayed a friend?: I'm sure I have
• played strip poker?: Strip Blackjack
• skipped school?: A couple times in high school I forged notes for Dan and I, and we skipped out early. I sleep through class way too often now.
• shot a gun? : no
• broke something important?: BROKEN. Ummm my boyfriend did. It was really really bad
• smoked weed?: no
• smoked a cig?: no
• dyed your hair?: yes

okay, last questions:
• what is sitting next to you?: the manuscript I'm editing and a bottle of water
• favorite sport?: PACKERS football. duh.
• are you gay/lesbian/bi/straight? straight
• been in a plane?: yes
• killed someone?: no
• kicked your cat for the hell of it?: no
• slept during class?: yes
• are you bored of taking this survey?: derrrrrrrrrr
• what time is it now?: 6:04 PM

That was a waste.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 06:41:03 GMT

I think I'm getting sick, I need to write this paper, I'm tired, my head hurts, whine whine whine.

haha

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 20:43:40 GMT

I feel so pissed off! someone at work found out I was into cross-dressing and I think that's why I got fired :-(.

I feel so scared! I went to gaming group with people yesterday but my character got killed TWICE :-(. That totally sucked!

Oh and Why does didusaygrundle keep posting images in their journal?! I keep telling them I'm on a modem! I'm going to unfriend them to teach them a lesson!!!!!!!!!!

This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!

***

What sucks is that I am so going to kick sweetnchill out of the house. They got totally drunk the other day and projectile vomited all over the carpet!

I am so enraged! yesterday was my birthday and nobody noticed or gave me presents or wished me happy birthday :-(.

Oh yeah. it's so not fair that I have Sunday off but nobody wants to do anything :-(. I'll just sit home alone and write poems about death.

This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 04:09:17 GMT

help.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 23:48:28 GMT

Wow, life is not fair.

My parents are good people.

My little brother got his license on Wednesday. Congrats, I mean I remember that feeling of first driving by yourself, the freedom and exhiliration, the possilibilities seem endless. Unfortunately for me, however, I finally reached the end of the line with my trusty old Taurus. It's Dan's, now. And this saddens me.

He has had his license for exactly 2 days, and it's already been a bit of an ordeal. Granted, I'm going back up to the hill on Sunday, and then it won't be as much of a concern... but the summer... is going to be kind of rough.

So of course, being the spoiled little girl that I am, I was whining to my mom about it today, about how much it sucked, and how I KNOW not everyone gets a car and blah blah, but I've grown up surrounded by people who get what they want, when they want. I had one of my friends, a senior at Providence who lives in Ballentyne, and whose parents bought him a brand new SUV when he turned 16, tell me that I'm "lucky I get to share a car with my brother." A) It's his. He gets first dibs, always. B) yeah, that's really freaking EASY for you to say as you're living large in your brand new SUV in your huge rich house while your parents give you all the spending money you want. Sure. I'm so lucky.

But as I was telling my mom all of this, I looked up and saw pain in her eyes. And she just said, "Honey, you don't know much we wish we COULD get you a car." And then I felt like a shithole for being such a whiny, stuck-up little bitch.

So then we had this talk about my dad's "career." And how he made a grand total of $300 in ALL OF LAST MONTH. $300 in a month. I made more than that working part-time at Harris Teeter. And my mom pretty much broke down at this point. My dad has been searching and searching and searching for jobs, getting hired then fired over and over, pretty much since Sept 11. The big one. He had one last hope. This job that he was dying to get. This job that would pay pretty decently, have good benefits, he could wear a suit and sit at a desk and work the kind of respectable job that a 50-year-old man such as my father would enjoy working at. Or at least tolerate. He opened the newspaper a couple of days ago, to see the company that he was hoping to get hired at in the headlines. Saying that several locations had closed, and that they were laying off hundreds of people.

Boom. The end. Last straw.

My parents have no money in savings for retirement. Not a cent. None for me and Dan's college. They are borrowing $2000 a month just to make ends meet. My father earned $300 last month. We are in some deep fucking shit.

Sooo.... my dad is thinking about quitting his job (which he pretty much needs to if we want to eat), and going to work at Lowes or Home Depot. Fuck, that kills me. Picturing my dad in one of those stupid orange aprons, scanning pieces of board and cans of paint at a register at 10 PM on a Tuesday, or on a Saturday afternoon. That's a fucking teenager job. That's not what he deserves. Okay, he hasn't made the best decisions. Okay, he should have gone right to college. But he does have a 2-year degree. Just thinking about how much of a blow this will be to his pride, and how much he will hate it... ugh. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I know I don't always get along with my parents. But damn, does my dad work hard. He has never called out sick from a day of work in his entire life. He single-handedly raised his two older kids, and then worked to support our family all of his life. he volunteers every Sunday at the homeless shelter. Every week without fail, he donates money to our church, even though we don't have any money to spare. And this is how we get repayed.

My mom may also have to quit her editing, teaching, and free-lance writing to get a full-time job. She pretty much cried telling me this. She said that what she's doing now has always been her dream, and she makes a GOOD second income... but we need more than a second income right now. And she's finally built up such a good reputation, has lots of business... but it's just not enough to make her the primary breadwinner, which is what it looks like she's going to need to be.

She told me that she feels like she listened to the Bible, and to her church too much. They said to not worry about money, to worry about happiness and richness of life, and compassion. And she said she did those, and her life is filled with those things. But that she's just not able to make ends meet. And she feels like she's been gypped, like it was all a giant lie. Money doesn't happen. Money won't work itself out.

This is just so unfair. I don't know. All this shit happens. I mean I know kids are starving and it's sad and all of that. But it just sucks ass that both my parents are so depressed and stressed and will never be able to enjoy retirement and will never have financial stability and will never finish repaying loans for the rest of their lives. And then I go to Carolina, and see all of these girls dropping $1000 at the mall on a shopping trip like it's nothing, or jetting off for a happy week in the Bahamas. And we couldn't afford to go to the stinking NC beach for a week last summer.

My mom was talking today about how she went to Southpark Mall the other day, and it made her sick, all the stores like Louis Vitton (or however you spell it, I don't shop there), and how insane it is that people spend that much money on a fucking handbag, when they could be making some sort of difference in the world. I think about people who whine about how their car is a 1999 or something, and I'd KILL to have it. People who whine about going to their good jobs every day, when my dad would do anything to find a job like that.

Life fucking sucks sometimes. It's so unfair.

The end. Sorry, I just had to rant, this is really depressing me.

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 19:20:45 GMT

You must type your answers to the following questions into the Google Image Search and then post one of the pictures that comes up as a result.

1. Your first car?
'93 Ford Taurus

(That color, too)

2. Where you grew up?
Charlotte, NC

3. Where you live now?
Chapel Hill, NC

4. Your name?
Amanda

5. Your grandmother's name?
Patricia and Joan

6. Favorite food?
Yogurt-covered pretzels

7. Favorite drink?
Strawberry Daiquiri or diet coke

8. Favorite song?
"Rains in Asia" by Jump and "Happy Together" by the Turtles and "Hard Candy" by the Counting Crows (and a MILLION others, I just picked random ones haha)

9. Favorite smell?
Cookies baking, Christmas trees, the ocean

10. Favorite pair of shoes?
Ballerina flats

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 03:01:11 GMT

So my country music test was today. It was kind of difficult. I studied for hours and hours, and I feel like I studied the wrong things. But I tried the hardest I could, and that's all I can do. When I first went in, it was sooo crowded. I sat next to some guy that reeked like B.O. and cigs. Yuck, it reminded me of Justin. I was like choking and I had to move.

I'm so sickkk I don't know why it won't go away. Whit's birthday is tomorrow, yay! And her party is Friday night. Please let me be better, cuz I think that it's not very good to drink when I'm sick. I can't wait for Spring Break, I'm so stressed. But I just have a history midterm on Friday that's just a paper, so I should be fine... and thennn... I'm done with midterms! YAY!

I'm contemplating going to CAPS but I don't want to. Blah on that.

I feel like going to bed.

I'm so sick and tired of hearing Whitney fighting on the phone with her mom. Arghhh.

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 04:46:32 GMT

Hahaha. Oh man. Sometimes people are so completely.... wow. All you can do is laugh. It's funny when they think you care about their mundane and pathetic lives. I have enough concerns of my own. And people that I associate with that operate beyond the middle school level, maturity-wise. People that are actually worth my time.

I am nervous about my English presentationnnn.... not that it's even a big deal. I just get nervous public speaking. But I spent a long time getting ready yesterday, so I should be fine. I wish it was spring break.

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 04:25:23 GMT

You scored as Republican.

</td>

Republican

83%

Anarchism

58%

Democrat

58%

Green

33%

Communism

25%

Socialist

25%

Nazi

17%

Fascism

17%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

Well duh.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 02:37:50 GMT

I've been getting an awful lot of anonymous comments lately, and it's kind of sketching me out. Not that they're mean, but just... I don't want complete strangers reading about my life. And I've had some other incidents this semester with some people reading my livejournal. Annd... yeah. It's just kind of sketch.

So I'm going to start writing most of my stuff friends only.

Sorry for those of you who don't have an LJ, but you can always sign up just for me ;-)

And I don't think anyone really pays that much attention to this anyways, haha.

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 16:30:22 GMT

Jesus Christ. I hate my fucking life.

So yesterday, I spent the day with Annie, looking for Valentine's Day stuff and hanging out. And of course that was awesome.

So I'm driving home from the mall, and all of a sudden, some random light on my dashboard comes on, and my car starts smoking like crazy and the steering wheel will NOT turn no matter how hard I try to wrench it to the side. I almost hit some truck, then finally managed to get my car to the side of the road. I was in some rich neighborhood, my car smoking and blinkers on. Every single car that drove by was old people in a BMW or a Mercedes. You'd think they'd stop and see if I was okay? NOPE. They all GLARED at me for polluting their rich neighborhood with my shitty car. Sorry I'm poor, I can't help that. Jeez.

So my mom comes and rescues me. And we're all thinking that this is wonderful, since my car has like 240,000 miles on it, and is a 1993. This is probably the end of it. So this summer, it's going to be both my parents and me and my brother all sharing two cars. And my parents both work. So I'll essentially be stranded at my house all day, every day. Wonderful.

So does it get worse? Well, let's see. My dad comes in at like 9 this morning and wakes me up and asks me to go pick up my brother from his friend's house. Okay. My mom can't find her keys. She doesn't know how to get to the house. She proceeds to sob for an hour. About how horrible everything is, and how poor we are, and how I'm such a let-down. Great.

So I am the only sensible person sometimes, and I call Dan and get directions, then go. Get there and find out I also have to drive some other kid home. Thanks for telling me. Okay. So this other kid lives on this road that is like narrow as fuck, like hardly wider than a little one-way road. So I'm backing out of the driveway, and back into a FUCKING POLE.

Gd damnit. I have been driving for two and a half years, and I have an abolutely meticulous driving record. Of all the days in these past two and half years that I have to hit a POLE (how STUPID do you get?!), it's the day after my car dies.

I fucking hate my life. God hates me. And I hate God.

So now I'm waiting for my parents to get home from getting my car towed, so that I can tell my dad how I scratched up his car. Super. Can't wait.

THEN I have to go back up to Carolina, which also blows, because I don't want to.

I don't know what to do with my life. If I stay, I'm not happy. If I come here, my parents aren't happy. And they told me that if I transfer, they won't help me pay for college at all. Which is such a load of bullshit, because they always said they'd help as long as I was in school.

I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

I'd rather be dead. For real.

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 23:45:54 GMT

My dad is a dickhead, and I hate him so much right now.

I have cried more in the past two days I think than I have in like... months. This morning I couldn't even open my eyes because I cried so much yesterday.

Oh, life. I just keep going, and trying to make it work, and hoping it will work. Make it work. I keep trying.

But I really hate my dad.

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 19:25:27 GMT

Jonathan is my Jesus.

No one else could possibly ever be as good to me and as caring towards me as he is. Ever.

And I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life.

The end. More later.